by PAT IANNUZZI
Disappointment often results when our expectations are not realized, especially if those expectations are deeply held and highly desired. It happens to all of us, and it can be distressing and demoralizing.
Disappointments, whether in our personal or work lives, can sometimes take the wind out of our sails or even make us feel as if we had taken a powerful punch to the gut. Such feelings can rob us of our energy and dampen our drive and determination.
Sometimes we are disappointed by others who have let us down or treated us wrongly. When this happens, the first thing we should to do is to accept the situation, control our emotions and turn our attention to something positive. Being angry with someone can weaken us emotionally, mentally and physically. All our energy goes into dealing with our anger, and we have little strength and few resources left for anything else. Getting mad or trying to get even with someone usually will only make a situation worse.
The most insidious kinds of disappointments are those we inflict upon ourselves. These can often have a serious negative impact on our self esteem. It’s important to recognize that we all make mistakes in our lives and to understand this is natural. It’s just how life is.
In fact, this is a key mechanism by which we learn and develop as human beings. Looking back often gives us a clearer view of what might have been, or should have been, but dwelling excessively on negative history can lead to the development of unjustified, limiting beliefs about our capabilities and overall personal worth. Such feelings can seriously interfere with the attainment of our true potential.
Therefore, we need to continually keep in mind that we all are works in progress as human beings and forgive ourselves for our past disappointing behaviors. We need to accept the idea that personal and professional growth arises out of our disappointments as well as from our successes.
Here are three ways to effectively deal with disappointment:
- Never be overconfident: We should always understand that our expectations – no matter how likely we believe they will come true – may never be fulfilled. By keeping this in mind, we are less likely to be overwhelmed by the impact of a disappointment. Restraining our anticipation a bit usually won’t diminish the possibility our expectation will be realized, but it can significantly lessen our devasta-tion if it doesn’t.
- Set realistic expectations: Since the feasibility of an expectation being achieved can play a significant role in the level of stress caused by a disappointment, we should continually strive to evaluate what we expect from ourselves and others and realistically assess whether our expectations are fair and reasonable. Disappointments often result from our expectations being out of touch with reality. Even if we think our expectations are appropriate and realistic, they may not be. Whenever possible, we should seek others’ input to help us effectively define our expectations
- Have a backup plan: Having a backup plan will not only make us feel more secure, it also will lessen the impact of a disappointment when something unexpected happens. If we are prepared to quickly move on to plan B (or C for that matter), we will tend to be much less stunned or distraught if Plan A doesn’t work out as expected.
Disappointments can’t be avoided, but they can be managed. Managing disappointment is the difference between getting stuck in fear, frustration, and doubt and using that experience to learn, grow, and embrace the next opportunity that comes our way.
“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the
size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.”
~ Robert Kiyosaki.
Pat Iannuzzi of Symbiont Performance Group, Inc. is a performance consultant, trainer and coach focusing on selling, presentation and interpersonal skills. He lives in Litchfield and can be reached at 860-283-9963 or piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com.
