#MIDDLEBURY
Insights for Constructive Living
by Pat Iannuzzi
We all regularly interact with other people in both social and work situations. From the moment we first meet someone, a mutual perceptual vacuum is created that we rush to fill. First impressions arise in the “blink of an eye,” during which we quickly form opinions and attitudes about each other. We tend to develop a certain feeling about other people based on how they look, how they act, what they say and how they say it, and they do the same about us, usually without anyone being aware it is happening. These initial feelings change slowly, if at all, and usually set the tone for any future interaction.
It’s almost impossible to anticipate the impact the people we meet can have on our respective lives or that which we can have on theirs. The person you may be meeting for the first time could become a good friend, love interest, business associate, mentor, or partner in some cause. However, there is just no way of really knowing that initially. It makes sense, therefore, that we should regularly strive to generate positive feelings about us in all those with whom we interact.
Since everybody is different, there is no one specific technique we can use to guarantee we make a favorable personal impression on someone. Nevertheless, there is a basic principle we can follow that can help us generate positive personal perceptions about us. It is that people generally like and want to help others who make them feel good about themselves.
Three emotions are considered fundamental to feeling good. They are feeling important, feeling valued, and feeling appreciated. Anything we do to focus on these key desires in people will help make them feel good about themselves and increase the possibility of our developing a positive personal relationship with them.
This doesn’t mean being insincere toward others or saying things simply to flatter them. Rather, it means paying attention, asking questions and listening to them to uncover their special qualities, talents and circumstances, and then emphasizing these characteristics in an honest, caring and thoughtful manner. It’s easy to focus on our own goals, desires and problems, but there is something genuinely appealing about someone who makes it a priority to acknowledge the needs of the people around them.
Let others know they are important to you by giving them your full attention and demonstrating that you care about them personally. Ask for their opinions about things and listen and reflect thoughtfully on what they have to say.
Let others know they are valued by praising their accomplishments and recognizing their personal contributions. Find ways to highlight and emphasize their talents and personal qualities. Share personal feelings with them.
Let others know they are appreciated by thanking them for the things they do and for just being themselves. Reciprocate by doing things for them in return. Find ways to convey your appreciation for them to others.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what
you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
How do you make people feel?
Pat Iannuzzi of Symbiont Performance Group, Inc. is a performance consultant, trainer and coach focusing on selling, presentation and interpersonal skills. He lives in Litchfield and can be reached at 860-283-9963 or piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com.
