#Middlebury
WINNING WAYS – Insights for Constructive Living
by PAT IANNUZZI
Think of the last time you used the word “try” or a variation of it in a conversation. What did you really mean by it? Or reflect on an incident when you feel you “tried” to do something. Did you actually accomplish it?
To try means to apply some effort to a task to attempt to achieve something. With regard to taking action, most of us usually associate “trying” with some kind of positive intent in which success is implied. But is this actually the case?
There is nothing wrong with trying to do something new or different if we put genuine effort behind the activity, but often we simply use the word “try” without putting any additional energy behind it. The reality is that we tend to say “try” when we aren’t sure of an outcome.
You wouldn’t say “I’m going to try to drive to work today,” for example, since you are generally pretty confident you will indeed successfully arrive at work, but you might remark that you will “try” to get to work on time because you may have some conscious or subconscious doubt about that happening. Deep down you know that, for whatever reason, there is a good probability you will be late.
To “try” actually implies failure, or at the very least, a lack of adequate commitment to action. If I say I am going to “try” to do something, I am really saying “I am going to attempt to do it, but I’m not really determined. If on the other hand, I say, I “am” going to “do” it, this indicates a resolve to follow through.
Words like “try” indicate what we are really thinking, but, perhaps don’t want to admit even to ourselves. People who say “I will try” have essentially given themselves permission to fail or default on an action. No matter what happens, they can always claim they “tried.” This also is a good way of insulating ourselves from the bad feelings we associate with failure.
“Try” not only reflects doubt in our minds, but it creates it in the minds of others as well for it suggests that whatever the focus of the “trying” is, it likely will not happen. Saying “I’ll try” can also convey the impression we don’t really care. We would never say it when confronted with solving an issue that was very important to us.
The phrase “I will try” is often simply used as a tactic in social situations to get out of doing something without having to actually say you can’t or won’t. One can easily avoid a commitment by saying “I’ll try” while having no intention whatsoever to follow through on a request.
How is the other to know? It sounds as if the person is making a sincere effort to accommodate another, and while both the speaker and the hearer may derive some emotional satisfaction from the interaction, in the end, both are being deceived. It can even become a negative mental habit in which the words spill out automatically without our giving the specific situation much thought.
We each have a choice. We can “try,” or we can “do.” Doing gets results. Just trying usually only gives us an out to renege or quit. As the sage Yoda proclaims in the Star Wars movies, “Do or do not do, there is no try.”
Pat Iannuzzi of Symbiont Performance Group, Inc. is a performance consultant, trainer and coach focusing on selling, presentation and interpersonal skills. He lives in Litchfield and can be reached at 860-283-9963 or piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com.
