#Middlebury
Insights for Constructive Living
by PAT IANNUZZI
Think of a time recently when you dealt with someone who made a negative impression on you. It could have been an office receptionist, a coworker, an acquaintance or virtually anyone with whom you may have interacted. The root of the negative impression was most likely less what they said to you than how they said it, such as a sales clerk with a bland, expressionless face who uttered “Can I help you?” in a monotone, unenthusiastic voice. That person may have thought they were conveying a helpful message, but their nonverbal communication conveyed just the opposite.
This dynamic works both ways. People draw conclusions from our tone of voice and body language. How we say words, therefore, can sometimes be more important than what we say. We may feel we are communicating a certain message, but we may actually be transmitting a completely different one. Clearly, the words we choose are critical for effectively expressing our thoughts and intentions, but our tone of voice in expressing those words adds additional and often more revealing context and meaning. We also communicate a great deal about our feelings through our body language, i.e., facial expressions, gestures, posture and appearance.
The problem most of the time is we focus only on our words. We usually don’t intentionally think about our eye contact, posture, gestures or facial expressions when crafting a message. These elements just kind of pour out of us automatically without much concern about their impact. Most of the time, we’re not even aware of our body language. On the other hand, unbeknownst to us, those with whom we are communicating almost always react to it, even if only subconsciously, and they often draw significant meaning from it.
For a spoken message to effectively convey a desired intent, our words and vocal characteristics must be aligned and consistent with each other. Furthermore, psychologists have confirmed that, because visual impressions are so powerful, if our nonverbal communication is not aligned with our words, most people will disregard our words and draw conclusions primarily from our nonverbal behavior.
Sometimes we communicate volumes by saying nothing at all. Even if we are standing silently in a group, others will draw impressions of us, either positive or negative, simply from our physical appearance, the expression on our face, and our posture. If we reflect on this, we will realize we often assess others in a similar fashion. The reality is that whenever we are around other people, we are never not communicating.
Since we are always communicating, it makes sense that we be aware of this fact and behave intentionally in our interactions with others. If we are grateful for what someone has done for us, we must sound like we’re grateful, and more important, we must look and act as if we’re grateful. Otherwise, our words can be betrayed.
If we walk into someone’s office with a sprightly step and a smile on our face, we will likely be perceived as being in an upbeat and agreeable mood, and we will probably be received in a positive and welcoming manner. Such an approach will always generate a more productive personal interaction regardless of the issues or circumstances involved.
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” ~ Peter Drucker
Pat Iannuzzi of Symbiont Performance Group, Inc. is a performance consultant, trainer and coach focusing on selling, presentation and interpersonal skills. He lives in Litchfield and can be reached at 860-283-9963 or piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com.
