#Middlebury
Insights for Constructive Living
by PAT IANNUZZI
Each of us is who we are and where we are today principally because of the life outcomes we have generated thus far. As adults, our results in every area of our lives are the fruits of our daily behaviors, and our daily behaviors are the responsibility of each of us alone. Few if any of us would deliberately assign the responsibility for our success and happiness to others because by doing so, we would essentially be relinquishing control over our lives to them. But this is essentially what we do when we blame circumstances or other people for the hardships, setbacks and disappointments we encounter in life,
When a person takes on the role of leadership, whether of self or others, he or she must assume full responsibility for all the consequences that ensue, whether positive or negative because otherwise he or she is not in charge, and therefore, not a leader at all. High performers take both the credit and the blame for everything that happens to them. Low performers generally take responsibility only for their success and place the blame for their failures on bad luck, other people, or circumstances outside of their control.
Success requires the development of a strong internal sense of responsibility that extends to every aspect of our lives. But how do you know if you’re failing to take personal responsibility? Here are three indicators and what you can do about them.
Making Excuses – When we make excuses for our negative outcomes, we are essentially exempting ourselves from personal accountability. We blame other people and circumstances for the bad things that happen. It’s often hard to accept our own flaws, and making excuses can provide short-term emotional comfort, but it can also hold us back from growing and improving, and from avoiding similar mistakes in the future. Blame-shifting keeps us trapped in the same cycle, making the same mistakes.
Of course, others will sometimes play a role in the negative situations in our lives – sometimes by accident, and occasionally on purpose. However, it’s important not to assume that others are entirely to blame for everything that goes wrong. Work on acknowledging and accepting your flaws and overcoming them. Ask yourself, “What role did I play in this?”
Developing a “Victim Mentality” – When we have a victim mentality, we are conveying that we are powerless. We find ourselves asking, “Why me?” It’s natural to feel bad when things go wrong, but a victim mentality can generate a paralyzing feeling of self-pity that can preclude our learning any productive personal lessons from our current situation. On the other hand, when we stop feeling sorry for ourselves, we’re better able to focus on nurturing a more positive attitude that can drive us toward change and away from stagnation. To overcome a victim mentality, ask yourself, “What can I do to make things better?”
Complaining – To complain means to grumble and whine to others about our unfavorable circumstances, and can involve making excuses, expressing a victim mentality as well as other unproductive habits. Most of us need to vent frustrations from time to time and, hopefully, this is done in the context of positive brainstorming. But simply complaining to others to illustrate how unfair our life is wastes a lot of energy and doesn’t resolve anything. Furthermore, it completely distracts us from any role we might have played in our own discontent and can further serve to detract us from taking personal responsibility by reinforcing a helplessness mindset.
Personal responsibility is a character trait we often admire in others. We like being around people who don’t make excuses, are accountable for their actions, and don’t blame others for their mistakes.
Pat Iannuzzi of Symbiont Performance Group, Inc. is a performance consultant, trainer and coach focusing on selling, presentation and interpersonal skills. He lives in Litchfield and can be reached at 860-283-9963 or piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com.
