Insights for constructive living
By PAT IANNUZZI
I heard a TV commentator say recently that our facial expressions and voice characteristics carry most of the meaning of what we say during a conversation. I’m not sure this is factually correct, but even if the nonverbal significance of a message may be difficult to quantify, it is nonetheless important to realize that our facial expressions, body language and voice can have a significant impact on others’ interpretation of the words we communicate. These factors can often serve as an additional level of punctuation. A failure to appreciate this can create some communication challenges.
If someone says to you, “I’m very happy to see you” while their tone of voice is flat and unanimated, and their facial expressions indifferent or detached, you might get to wondering if the person really means it or is simple going through the motions of appearing to be friendly and cordial. Compare this scenario to one in which someone exclaims loudly and enthusiastically, “I’m very happy to see you!” while greeting you with a warm hug and wearing a friendly smile. The words are the same, but their impact on you would likely be vastly different or perhaps even contrary to the implication of the words actually expressed.
During a one-on-one interaction, our eyes and ears are continually searching to confirm that what a person is saying is true by subconsciously seeking to confirm that the speaker’s voice tone and body language are consistent – in our minds – with the words we’re hearing. If not, the meaning of the message may be greatly minimized or even rejected completely.
From a listener’s perspective, a speaker’s voice and body language characteristics (facial, expressions, gestures, posture) can add layers of meaning to spoken words. Even the inclusion of a sigh or non-words such as “huh,” “hmm,” or “well,” can have an impact, frequently negative. Unfortunately, most people are often unaware that they are infusing their communication with added meaning that listeners pick up on, often without their consciously recognizing it either.
The reason is that both a speaker and listener possess a kind of mental/emotional filter through which words are transmitted and received. A speaker may craft a message to convey a particular meaning, but the actual communication of the words is subliminally shaped by the speaker’s evaluation of the dynamics of the interaction and their impression of the person with whom they are speaking. Similarly, a listener’s interpretation of a spoken message is influenced by the same kinds of factors. How we view others can definitely affect our communication with them
Don’t we tend to show respect to those we respect, for example, and not so much to those we don’t? Aren’t we generally more likely to succeed if we ask someone to do something in a considerate and cooperative manner than if we simply command them to act? Do we not also respond more favorably if treated in such a way? Most of the time we just don’t’ give much thought to the circumstance surrounding our communication or the feelings of those with whom we are interacting, but couldn’t we all be more effective in our interpersonal communications if instead of just impulsively and mechanically uttering words, we intentionally put more focus on how we say it?
Pat Iannuzzi of Symbiotic Performance Group, Inc. is a performance consultant, trainer and coach focusing on selling, presentation and interpersonal skills. He lives in Litchfield and can be reached at 860-283-9963 or piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com.
