#Middlebury
WINNING WAYS – Insights for Constructive Living
by PAT IANNUZZI
One of life’s pitfalls is to evaluate our personal success and worth by comparing ourselves to others. It’s easy to get caught up in other people’s lives and to use them as benchmarks to assess our own personal value. While in some circumstances it can be motivating and inspiring to compare ourselves to others, it can also generate a feeling of defeat or the belief that we aren’t as good or worthy as someone else.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and Mark Twain said, “Comparison is the death of joy.” Both quotes are right on the mark. Research has shown that comparing ourselves to others we believe are more successful, happy and prosperous can cause us to develop feelings of envy, low self confidence, diminished self esteem and depression.
While comparing ourselves to those we believe are less well off can increase our own sense of worth, even this form of comparison comes at a price. Any sense of adequacy we might get from it is derived from our perceptions of someone else’s failures or misfortunes. This is not a very healthy approach to personal happiness.
It’s important to note that we may not be getting the true picture about other people. The images of themselves that people often present to the outside world, especially in this day of rampant social media, may be fabricated or significantly edited versions of their reality.
When people are asked “How are you doing,” they rarely respond by saying “Oh, my life is a mess.” Regardless of how bad their situations may be, they are more likely to say “Fine” or “I’m OK,” when the truth is they are neither. In fact, research studies have concluded people are less likely to share their negative emotions than their positive ones.
Furthermore, it has been shown that people tend to overestimate the existence of positive feelings and situations in the lives of others while they understate or minimize negative perceptions. As Pastor Steven Furtick has so eloquently put it, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” The next time you fall into the trap of comparing yourself to someone else, stop and ask yourself if this is really fair when you may have incorrect information.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on yourself. Assess how you are doing in terms of your own personal goals and aspirations. Compare what, who and where you are to what, who and where you want to be.
Are you continually moving in the direction of the life and personal circumstances you have set for yourself? If the answer is yes, great! Keep doing what you’re doing. If not, determine the changes you need to make and make them. Don’t concern yourself with what others are doing. You probably have a distorted impression of what’s happening with them anyway.
Comparing yourself to others is more likely to harm you than help you. The life that’s important to you is yours, not theirs.
Pat Iannuzzi of Symbiont Performance Group, Inc. is a performance consultant, trainer and coach focusing on selling, presentation and interpersonal skills. He lives in Litchfield and can be reached at 860-283-9963 or piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com.
