#MiddleburyCT
Insights for constructive living
By PAT IANNUZZI
Regardless of our current endeavors, our success is highly influenced by our ability to effectively get along with other people. The undeniable fact is that none of us can accomplish much of any significance by ourselves. Even in individual sports, stardom usually requires others to provide training, encouragement and support. Sometimes we don’t even realize the importance of other people to our success.
Whether we are selling something, supervising others, presenting an idea or managing a conflict, the more we are able to persuade others to agree with our ideas and cooperate with us, the more productive we can be. Rapport is a word that is often used to describe a feeling of harmony, comfort and compatibility that seems to arise among people and reflects a willingness to work positively with one another, but the notion of “getting along well” also captures the idea.
How well we get along with others is primarily due to how we communicate with them. We humans communicate in many different ways, i.e., through words, vocal quality, body language, listening and actions. It is the degree of skill with which we use these communication vehicles to make others feel comfortable in our personal interactions that essentially determines how well we get along with them. Here are three ideas on how we can become more effective in this regard.
Maintain appropriate eye contact – Have you ever had a conversation with someone who avoided making eye contact with you? How did you feel about that interaction? What vibes did you get from the other person? Chances are you probably didn’t perceive him or her to be very confident, secure or interested in what you had to say. Generally speaking, eye contact in interpersonal communication is associated with self-assurance, believability and interest. Lack of eye contact is often interpreted as sign of insincerity, insecurity or disinterest.
Interact with others in ways that puts them at ease – Display body language that conveys openness and cordiality. A smile, relaxed posture and warm and friendly vocal intonation will go a long way toward minimizing defensiveness in others and making them more receptive to us. In his classic book, “How to Read a Person Like a Book,” Gerard Nierenberg explains that gestures such as open hands and uncrossed arms, an unbuttoned jacket and an occasional subtle physical movement in the direction of the other person convey a sense of “I am with you; things are going well.”
Listen – Listen actively to other people. Listening conveys the feeling that you care. Make a sincere effort to absorb what another person is saying and feeling, and communicate your response through appropriate vocal and physical expressions. Demonstrate genuine concern for others, especially in difficult or challenging situations. Thank others for their comments and suggestions even when you do not completely agree with them.
This doesn’t mean that we should adopt dramatic personality changes in ourselves or artificially adjust our approach to others to manipulate them for our purposes. Rather, it means that we should continually try to tailor our communication strategies in a way that permits us to get along better with others so that they will genuinely be more likely to want to cooperate with us.
Pat Iannuzzi of Symbiotic Performance Group, Inc. is a performance consultant, trainer and coach focusing on selling, presentation and interpersonal skills. He lives in Litchfield and can be reached at 860-283-9963 or piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com.
